Why it pays to procrastinate until Black Friday

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I’m a pro-procrastinator. I waited until the last minute to buy a card for my sister’s birthday.

As in approximately 33 minutes before she opened it.

And this year her birthday landed on Black Friday.

Generally I don’t buy cards. I don’t like the extra step. Extra money. Sometimes they feel useless. However, I love receiving cards.

I’m not a riddle to be solved. I’m just me. Besides, that’s a post for another time.

Anyway…back to Black Friday.

So why do I need a card this time?

My gift to her is digital… err… it’s a subscription to a monthly sock delivery. Sock Club sends a surprise pair of socks to her each month for three months. She adores not knowing what the next pair will look like, and she’s sock obsessed. I got it for her once before, and it rocked her socks off (Ha. Ha.)

Yes, I’m shoe obsessed and the middle sister is sock obsessed. The third sister likes both but not to the degree that we do. Actually, I don’t know, I just didn’t want to leave her out.

It being her birthday, I wanted her to have something to open. Who wants a present that you can’t see or touch? No fun. I’m not totally ridiculous about cards. They do serve a purpose.

But somehow I had procrastinated even better than I thought I was capable. It was Thanksgiving night and still no card. And naturally I stayed up past 1 a.m., watching my sister, her husband, and her friend swipe through my OK Cupid account, determining who was worthy of a date with me. Totally worth the time. It was hilarious.

Still, I was up and at ‘em. Or is it Adam? It was nice being up so early. Half awake. She was going to open her gifts at breakfast, so it was now or never.

So I put on my “walk quickly” kicks. Thank you, Vans!

By 7:30 a.m. I was inside Target.

And it was a ghost town.

Apparently the silver lining to forgetting to buy your sister’s card until the morning of Black Friday is that since the entire town was up until the wee hours of the night spending their hard earned money on material items, they’re fast asleep by the time we procrastinators hit the stores.

I found the perfect card in no time. It had a drawing of a covered wagon and said something like if she was a pioneer, she probably would have already died form dysentery or a snakebite.

Twenty-nine was ancient back then.

Even more perfect because I died of a snakebite and she died of dysentery playing the Oregon Trail board game just months before.

I added a little note that said how even in this case she’d be wearing stylish socks.

Then I spent another 10 minutes finding a card for my friend’s surprise 30th birthday party tomorrow…procrastinated on that too, even though I helped plan the party. Go figure.

Oh! I’m out of makeup foundation. Barely had enough to cover my face for Thanksgiving dinner. It was such a thin layer that by the time we sat down to eat at 1:30 p.m. it had dissolved into my face.

Alright, I got everything. Time to go…done in record time!

Except…it was Black Friday, so I had to look around. Browse for a minute.

Bingo. Newly released movies. For $6 and $9.

And oh wait. The card isn’t tangible enough. She needs more, even though I already had a gift for her. My brain, I tell ya.

I’ll use any excuse to shop for people.

First, I picked up Wonder Woman for me.

I’m a living, breathing billboard for the phrase, “One for you, one for me.”

Despicable Me 2 for her because she loves minions. And Steve Carell. Who doesn’t? If you don’t, I don’t want to hear it.

Then I stood there debating if I should get the Minions movie instead because ACK! I didn’t know if she even liked Despicable Me 2

I began to feel hot. Fingers were tapping incessantly. I was running out of time. Gah, the lights seemed brighter than ever, blinding me from making a rational decision.

My thoughts raced. She’s probably awake; my mom is about to pour pumpkin pancake mix on the pan; my dad is grilling sausage; and my sister’s husband is probably rattling off a bunch of punny remarks.

No time. So naturally, I hemmed and hawed another seven minutes.

You gotta get moving, Marianna! Just make a decision.

Got it! I’ll ask her husband.

But for some reason my phone wasn’t getting service. Apparently Target is a ghost town in more than one way. I’d have to ask him in person…in the two minutes I’ll have between wrapping the gift and her opening it.

I grabbed the movie and went to self-checkout because I have five items ONLY.

I despise people who choose self-checkout with an entire cart full. It’s not a time to play Store Clerk. Do that in your own house, on your own time.

When I got home, my mom said, “Ah, she’s back! I was just about to start making the pancakes. Perfect timing.”

“Oh good!” I said, as I hastily walked to my room to hide the evidence.

“What did you get?”

“Oh just some foundation and Wonder Woman… only $9!”

Got to the hallway. The husband was sitting on the chair, and I could see him when I peeked around the corner.

He was looking my direction, so I did this non-sexy come hither motion with my finger.

He didn’t see me. He was looking past me… or he’s just blind. So I did the motion more aggressively.

C’monnnnnn. What was so fascinating on the TV that he wasn’t seeing me?

Then I used my whole hand as if I was motioning a plane to land. Started to wave my arms.

All in complete silence. I’m such a pro.

If only it would work.

Time for more drastic measures. I cleared my throat. ahemmm


He bolted out of his chair (not suspicious at all) and broke into a slight jog. I gotta say, I appreciated the swiftness.

Without missing a beat, he reached over and closed the bathroom door to make it seem like he just went in there instead, and we convened in the hallway.

We were as smooth as homemade maple syrup on a piping hot pumpkin pancake.

He confirmed she likes Despicable Me and actually thought the Minions movie was annoying. At least, that’s what he remembered.

Turns out he was right. And my intuition was spot-on.

In the end, it always works out.

Sometimes it pays to be a procrastinator.

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