My Ideal Morning Routine vs. Painstaking Reality
Any routine I’ve tried to establish out of sheer will seems to always fall by the wayside. I know I’m not alone. People break their routines every single day. Heck, it feels like most people break their routines before it’s even technically a routine.
*I’m raising my hand, waving un-enthusiastically*
I routinely break routines. Out of spite. Any routine I do have is by default. Like washing my face before I brush my teeth at night, and then putting on my bite guard and retainer. Or locking my door before I leave my apartment. I have to do these things. Or. Else.
But…what about the things I want to do? Like being productive in the morning, which is a completely unnatural endeavor for a Night Owl, like myself. I don’t want to spend my precious night hours jogging, which I also pretty much hate as much as routines. And I love the morning light shining through my curtains. I just have so much I want to do!
I decided I needed a morning routine. I needed stability. Something to hold myself accountable. To begin, I asked my friends to recommend awesome alarm clocks that are sure to get me out of bed faster than, well, the rate at which I usually get out of bed, which is at the same rate that dust forms on a window sill.
Thank you to my friend John who recommended The Rock (Dwayne Johnson) Alarm Clock, because he said, “Dwayne Johnson will get u up and at ’em.” He was right.
So, in an effort to be more productive early in the morning, I wrote up a new morning routine on a Post-It. Officially.
It’s something to aspire to, because so far reality is prevailing.
Below is the ideal dream Routine, and the Reality of what actually happens.
Routine vs. Reality
Ideal: Wash face. Floss. Clean ears (A new thing I’m trying with q-tips. Don’t worry mom — I’m not sticking them inside my ear hole. Not trying to go deaf).
Reality: “Mean Girls” is playing in the background, while I do a variety of other things, like wasting time on Facebook. Eating dinner. Wide awake. I also just got back from the laundry matte. Always takes longer than I think.
Ideal: Fill water glass next to bed. Get into bed. Read. Apply lavender oil.
Reality: Still eating dinner. “This is girl world, and in girl world all the fighting had to be sneaky…” I nod. Truth.
Ideal: Turn off the lights. Close the book. Close eyes. Ahhh. That’s the stuff.
Reality: Still putting away laundry and making up the bed with winter flannel sheets. Can’t very well sleep in a bed with no sheets.
Ideal: Sound asleep. Have been for about an hour.
Reality: Ugh. Why do I have so many clothes? This would probably take less time if I didn’t keep glancing over to watch Lindsay Lohan sabotage Rachel McAdams.
Ideal: Dream about Robert Downey, Jr.
Reality: Wash face. Bruch teeth. It’s so late – skipping the floss and ears. Who has time for that?
Ideal: Oh, wow. Steve Carell, too? This is the best dream ever!
Reality: There’s only like 17 minutes left of the movie. I should just lay in bed, cozy in my flannel sheets and watch the rest of it. Because I’ve only seen this movie a million times and have no idea how it ends. Then I’ll go to sleep. Good deal.
Ideal: [The sound of Dwayne Johnson]: “BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. I can do this allll morning….” I’m up!
Reality: Nooooooo…I need 20 more minutes.
Ideal: Eat snack bar so I don’t faint during my workout. Drink a full glass of water.
Reality: Out cold.
Reality: “BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. BEEP. I can do this allll morning….” Ugh I hate you Dwayne Johnson…I can’t do this. I’ll eat my snack bar then go back to bed. Ick. I gotta stop buying bars that have chocolate…my mouth isn’t awake enough to taste it… it’s like cotton up in here.
Ideal: Pumped! Scroll Facebook for 15 minutes. Must set limits. It takes over my life otherwise. Wow. How much damage can one guy do before the sun even rises? He needs to be banned from social media.
Reality: Best dream everrrrr.
Ideal: Enjoy a cup of hot tea. Write for an hour.
Reality: Oh Steve Carell, you’re so funny and cute.
Ideal: Whoo-hoo! Wrote an entire post. I’m a rock star. Time to put on workout clothes. The sun will be up soon.
Reality: [groggy, sits up suddenly in bed] Oh shoot. It’s 6:30!
Ideal: Time for Body Boss! LINK Circuit training is seriously the best thing ever invented.
Reality: I’m not awake… I’ll just scroll through Facebook for a bit. Need to limit myself. Takes over my life otherwise. Wow. How much damage can one guy do before the sun even rises? He needs to be banned from social media.
Ideal: Kicked ass. Shower time. I feel so productive and it’s only 7:30. [sings] Oh, what a beautiful morning! Time to listen to “Up First” LINK on NPR so I’m up to date on the world’s cookiness.
Reality: Oh shoot. It’s already 7:30?? Facebook is like a time warp. I need to work out. I’ll have to cut it short though. Ugh.
Ideal: Lunch is packed. Hair is did. Breakfast is in my belly. Whoo-hoo. I’m getting to work before 9:00 a.m. Feels so good!
Reality: This shower is gonna be basically nonexistent. Can I get away with not washing my hair…?
I’m a work in progress. Honestly, me waking up before the sun rise is a gold star any day of the week. It’s the little triumphs that count. Next day is a new day to do what I want to do for me.